My husband, Robbie, gathered his army supplies and kissed his mother goodbye. He didn't know information technology was their last. While he fought in Iraq, she died from heart complications. A twelvemonth after, ready to grieve, Robbie discovered his male parent's business firm empty of her belongings.

To Robbie, it felt similar his female parent disappeared. He wanted to connect with her—eat at her kitchen table, sit in her favorite chair. Just information technology seemed she was scrubbed abroad. He didn't understand how his dad could move on so completely.

When Robbie's father announced he was remarrying several months later, Robbie did non want to befriend his new married woman. He still had questions—but mainly, How could you lot do this to me and my mom?

Years afterward, when Robbie's own wife passed away, he finally understood. His dad's year of widowhood didn't seem long to an adult son who didn't face the loss every twenty-four hour period. Merely to the surviving spouse, a year is a black hole of loneliness.

Robbie wanted to love and be loved again; he wanted a partner in life. His sons had their own lives of sports, girls, and friends. So he started dating simply weeks into widowhood, and married me less than 2 years afterwards.

Unique struggles of remarrying in the empty nest years

Our story was due to death, merely more commonly, empty nest remarriage happens after divorce. Co-ordinate to Kiplinger, this "gray divorce" defines one in every four divorces.

Many people mistakenly believe remarrying when kids are grown is easier. Just adult children don't demand parents less; they need them differently. Parents advise, mentor, babysit, and maybe most importantly, they symbolize "going home." A parent remarrying tin distress an adult child's foundation.

But children are only part of the struggle. Crumbling parents, retirement, and health problems add complication to an empty nest remarriage. Then at that place are issues that all remarried couples face, immature and former.

The unique struggles of remarrying in the empty nest years can seem overwhelming. Simply there is hope for those of us who found dearest later in life. Here are a few thoughts to proceed in mind.

First, adult children struggle with grief.

Grief isn't only for death. Grief is the result of intense sadness or disappointment caused by unfulfilled expectations. Adult sons and daughters long for the warmth and stability of their parents bonded love. Losing that brings grief.

For your function, accept patience and encourage grieving. Don't tell them to "go over it." Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Parents tin can help by feeling empathy and compassion.

In addition, maintain plenty of contact, allow room to talk about their feelings, and show empathy. A single dad I know traditionally went to movies with his developed girl. When he remarried, he learned the hard way that the theater was best saved for father/daughter fourth dimension, not his wife. Maintaining traditions are a keen way to assuage fears and ease the transition.

Second, remarriage complicates family rhythm.

Parents of developed children are the patriarchs. Empty nest parents are expected to offer their home for holidays and participate in major events like weddings, births, and other ceremonies. But remarriage complicates these events. It begs questions like, "Where will my dad's new wife sit?" or "Will information technology hurt feelings if nosotros …" Those questions add tension to already stressful events, compounding emotions and fears.

Remarrying in the empty nest years also complicates and confuses grandparenting roles. Some adult children graciously have a parent's spouse equally a grandparent. Others find it offensive. My friend'south adult children asked her specifically not to telephone call her husband "grandpa." That situation tin grieve a biological grandparent who expected the role to exist easier.

Then, what should you lot do? The biological parent should inquire his or her children what they want in these important roles and situations. And then honor that request as best yous tin can. For occasions, sit where they inquire. If the name "grandparent" is off limits, maybe try a nickname. I telephone call myself "Bina" to Robbie'due south grandson. It's a derivative of my name, easy to say, simply it isn't a grandparent proper noun.

Third, financial issues are more complex in the empty nest.

With age comes more than financial concerns and potential bug. Fiscal differences are already a leading crusade of divorce. Add that to the unique financial pressures of the empty nest similar retirement, social security, and growing medical concerns, and this could be a recipe for disaster. Ane spouse may be wealthier than the other, and adult children may worry almost losing their inheritance. In that location may be concerns nearly sharing assets with stepsiblings.

Your response? The mode avails and possessions are divided afterward expiry is a decision for you and your spouse, non the children.

But to go along family from fighting it, settle the upshot earlier death. A little fleck of planning goes a long way. "The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty" (Proverbs 21:five). The simplest way is to write a will, and take information technology notarized. Include instructions on what each kid should receive and any plans to have care of your surviving spouse.

Focus on the Hereafter

A couple who marries in the empty nest years has trivial shared past. During my six years of marriage to Robbie, I have been thanked many times for my "service" equally his war machine married woman. Truth exist told, my function of his service was waiting for him to come up abode after long Saturdays once a calendar month. His outset wife, Kari, was the real hero, standing by Robbie'due south side for three deployments, twice to war.

But Robbie and I do take the future together, and that's where we focus. I know I tin count on him to beloved me when I'm wrinkled and a trivial more forgetful. He'll hold my hand during illnesses and the loss of loved ones. And the same is truthful for me.

Sometimes the troubles of marrying in the empty nest years can seem overwhelming, peculiarly when patience diminishes and everything feels out of control. That's the time when all you can practice is pray. Pray for peace, comfort, and healing. And and then leave everything in the hands of our loving Father. We may be out of control, just He never is. And nosotros can detect our stability in Him.

Copyright © 2020 by Sabrina Beasley McDonald. All rights reserved.

Sabrina Beasley McDonald has been writing well-nigh God's program for spousal relationship and family unit for over 19 years. Sabrina is currently working on a Masters in Marriage and Family Counseling from Liberty University. She is the author of several devotional books, includingWrite God In Deeper: Journal Your Style to a Richer Faith.